I just finished a coaching session with my own coach.
Fascinating, emotional work on the feeling of “shame”. We ran with Time Line Therapy.
I was taken back to a time (1969) where “shame” first started operating in my consciousness. I was six years old, climbing a tree in the school yard with some friends. I can’t remember if there was defiance against the rules or I was just a kid playing with innocence.
Anyway we were busted or whatever the word was in those days. We were grabbed by the Catholic nuns and marched up to the Grade 6 class. We were then, in turn, berated and punished in front of the class. The punishment was six of the best, or as we said then six cuts, by the head nun.
Shame of being bad. Shame of defiance. Shame of innocent mistake. Shame of punishment in front of older people. The list didn’t end.
Good old fashioned shame.
I never realised until this morning that the shame and pain that was inflicted on me had never been processed and I had carried that shit in my consciousness for over 50 years. Sure I had cried but that was the physical side of it.
This mornings session came with extraordinary clarity about myself and my world. The sheer injustice and cruelty inflicted by the nuns came from an ancient belief system that had been created to control. Perhaps the intention had always been for the betterment of the world and it’s people but in reality it causes victimhood.
Up until this morning, I had been a victim, today I am innocent again and the painful emotion of shame throughout my life has been thrown out of my conscious and unconscious.
I am free of shame! I wonder what changes are in store for me now?