I worked very hard when I was younger. I now see, with the help of my own life coach, that I worked hard because I undervalued myself and wanted to fill something that was missing within me.
All this was unconscious.
You see, if I worked really hard I was seen as a battler. It was then that I received my “value” in respect of both society and employers. This became my default. It was the filler through the emptiness of my life.
I worked hard because my self esteem (my confidence in my own worth or abilities) was at a very low ebb.
I pushed myself in every job I had. I always did extra. I showed the world how good I was. On the upside, it helped me expand my career and be successful. I constructed an identity and character.
In reality it was the inside world that I wanted to get right. Not wanted to, but needed to.
I remember telling my wife that I was busting my gut at one of my jobs. Kept telling her “I am busting my guts” right up to the time that I literally busted my gut and got a hernia.